The Vexos Host Club
by Troth
Summary: AU! Bored Hydron is trying to find a way to make his life a bit more exciting. After having an Ouran High School Host Club Marathon, the answer dawns on him! He should create his own Host Club. And who does he drag along with him? Why, none other than the Vexos of course! Semi CRACK! fic
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Let me start off with saying the idea came to me during church. Yes, of all places it could have come to me, it came while I was at church.

While I was at church, I was making flash cards for my Honors Chemistry class and the idea popped into my head.

What if the Vexos members were Host Club members?

And so, while I was STILL at church, I thought of some jokes and what type each member would be.

So yes, that's really all I have to say. It's just really funny to me, and I even chuckled during church.

While this story is mostly a comedy, I'll probably add serious bits here and there. Also, I have never written a story that was intentionally a comedy. So, forgive me if you find my humor a bit dark, or maybe not.

The reason it's waited T is because there are swear words and a lot of the jokes will be sexual.

Ok, enough with this long ass A/N! I hope you enjoy this story!

* * *

The idea came to him in the middle of the night. Right after he finished his Ouran High School Host Club marathon and laid down on his bed thinking about the lovable and quite hilarious series. He frowned and wondered why his life wasn't as exciting as the characters' on the show. And then it dawned on him. Maybe the answer was simple. Maybe all he had to do was be a Host Club member.

Eagerly, he snatched his phone off of his bed desk and dialed a certain number. He waited patiently as he heard the phone ringing, crossing and uncrossing his legs that were in the bed.

"There better be a fucking good explanation as to why you're calling me at 12:47 in the morning, Hydron." snarled Keith; or perhaps it was Spectra, given his rather rude attitude. You see, Keith seemed to switch his moods regularly. Basically, he was bipolar (not that he was diagnosed with it). When he happen to be bitchy (as he was now) they referred to him as Spectra. When he was kind, he was referred to as Keith. Lovely, wasn't it?

"Ah, hello Spectra!" greeted Hydron rather perky. "You see, I have an exciting idea that I want everyone to do!" He could hear Spectra let out a loud sigh and groaned.

"Why the fuck couldn't this waited until morning, or better yet school?" Hydron nodded, even though he knew Spectra couldn't see him.

"You're right. Keith would have been more supportive and asked me what it was."

"Bite me, brat." Spectra puzzled Hydron. Everyone else, including Keith, usually always obeyed him, because his father just happened to be their bosses. But when Keith turned into Spectra, it seemed he didn't give damn about that.

"You're the dominating type!" exclaimed Hydron, pleased with himself. Silence over the phone. Had he fallen asleep?

"That's it? You fucking woke me up to tell me what type I am?" Spectra sounded very dangerous right now, and Hydron decided he would continue this talk when he was Keith. Which meant, in the morning.

"You're right, it's really late! I have to let you now! I'll tell you more tomorrow, so bye Spectra!" Hydron hung up the phone and placed it on the desk, hoping he wouldn't call him back. Which he didn't.

Hydron laid on his back again and stared at the ceiling. He wondered, what were everyone else's types? Hydron decided this was no time to sleep, and he jumped off the bed and retrieved some papers and a pen. After all, he had to work out all the precise details if he really wanted this to work.

* * *

Hydron was panting heavily, still holding on to the pieces of papers he had scribbled on last night. His face was flushed with excitement and the grin on his face wouldn't disappear.

He had just finished explained his little idea to the Vexos; his little gang. It consisted of Keith/Spectra Clay/Phantom, Gus Grav, Shadow Prove, Mylene Farrow, Lync Volan, and Volt Luster. They were all an odd bunch, but maybe that's what made them get along. Most of the time.

"No way." announced Shadow Prove after the long silence. Hydron's smile slowly faded and his eyebrows furrowed.

"What?" Lync decided to add his own opinion.

"It's stupid. Who wants to please a bunch of girls who are probably all ugly?" Hydron glared at Lync. Did he just call his idea...stupid?

"Frankly, I don't want to do it," said Keith, apologetically.

"Also, did you forget I am a girl?" growled Mylene. The idea of satisfying girls made her shiver. She was straight! Gus and Volt said nothing, not wanting to add to Hydron's obvious anger.

"I worked so hard last night on all of this, and you just think it's stupid?" He shouted, stopping his foot. "Maybe my father should get rid of your parents because they're all so STUPID!" The last word echoed loudly in the halls. Yes, Hydron was a spoiled brat when he didn't get his way, and he admitted that too. But it was just so easy to pull out the dad card, he almost always did it. The Vexos glanced at each other, annoyed. They, frankly, hated the damn Father card.

"I-I was just kidding, Hydron!" said Lync, laughing nervously. "It's a great idea. I'm all for it."

"Yeah, maybe we'll learn something from it." tried Keith. Hydron's anger seemed to be disappeared. Keith elbowed Shadow's rib.

"Ouch! Fine, I'll do it too." he snarled. Hydron's smile returned once more.

"Really? Great! This is all going to be so much fun! I guess I should tell you guys your types then!" Everyone looked puzzled.

"Our...types?" asked Volt, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes! There's always a type in every Host Club!" He flipped through his papers and finally found the ones he was looking for. "Here we go! Now, Keith/Spectra, which ever you refer, is the Dominating Type!" Keith looked a bit confused.

"Um, why?" Keith asked, slowly. Hydron seemed prepared for that question.

"Isn't it obvious? Spectra, who is part of you, never wants to put down by me. He always wants rule! Since that is his trait, then it's Keith's trait as well." Keith shrugged and found that he didn't really hate his type. Hydron turned to Volt, practicing jumping in place.

"You're obviously the Strong, Silent Type! I bet nobody disagrees, right?" He turned to the other Vexos members, who were all shaking their heads.

"It perfectly describes Volt..." said Mylene. Hydron nodded excitedly. He then turned to Shadow, who seemed frightened.

"You, my friend, are the Paranormal/Creepy Type! With all you gothic clothing, and your freakish fangs!" Shadow was about to protest, when Volt clamped his hand over his mouth, shaking his head.

Hydron turned to Gus, who tried to smile but ending up looking as if his life was going to end right then and there.

"You are the Slave Type!" Everyone bursted out laughing, not even trying to hide it. Gus's cheeks soon became bright pink.

"Excuse me?" Perhaps he had heard incorrectly. Why the Hell was he the slave type? Hydron clapped his hands.

"Gus, it's so perfect. You hardly speak, which is what a slave should do!" Gus was about to protest, but Hydron continued. "You're a net freak and you always obey Keith/Spectra without even trying to fight him. You were born to play this role!" Again, another roar of laughter. Keith wrapped his arm around Gus's neck, still laughing.

"It really is perfect, Gus." Keith said, causing Gus to become even more pink due to the embarrassment. Hydron turned his attention to Lync.

"You're the Mischievous Type. After all, you never do sit still and keep things calm for the rest of us, you little devil." Lync took that title proudly, showing off a big smile.

"Fine by me!" Lync cackled. Finally, the moment of truth came to Mylene. She crossed her arms and waited to see what possible type Hydron had cooked up for her. Maybe she was just going to be the manager or something.

"You're the Lesbian Type!" This roar of laughter had been even louder than when Gus was revealed to be the Slave Type. Mylene's has dropped and couldn't wait to hear Hydron oh so excellent reasoning behind this. "I don't really have any type for you except the Scary Type, but that wouldn't attract the girls..." Mylene was furious.

"Couldn't I be the one to attract the boys?" She yelled. Hydron slightly his behind his papers, as an effort to protect himself.

"B-But your not as pretty and nice as Alice and-"

Hydron's face soon met with Mylene's Chemistry Textbook. Hydron was thrown back, and all his papers went flying out. As Hydron saw the papers flying around he wondered if he had not been too kind with Mylene's type. Then again, she threw a goddamn Textbook at his beautiful face!

"Oh, my! Are you alright?" Someone pulled him up. Green eyes soon filled his vision. Of course, it was Klaus.

"Perfect! I needed a Graceful Type!" cried out Hydron, suddenly hugging Klaus. Klaus looked perplexed. "I'm starting a Host Club! Will you please join?" Since Klaus was rich, and his family owned a different company from Hydron's, there was no daddy card to pull with Klaus. So he had to resort to begging. And Klaus was a kind man.

"Sure, Hydron. As long as I'm also the Gay Type with Gus." At the statement, said person passed out and landed in the arms of the Strong, Silent Type. All this embarrassment was too much for him. Klaus laughed, but leaned closer to Hydron and whispered, "I'm serious." Hydron nodded.

"Sure! That's fine, after all the twins seemed to be gay..." Klaus raised an eyebrow, not wanting to hear about incest and Hydron shook his head. "Never mind! I'm going to go to the office and get this Host Club started!" Hydron went in the direction of the school's office, not looking back. Klaus turned to the other members.

"Well, won't this be certainly fun?"

* * *

A/N: There you have! I apologize that this chapter seems short, but oh well.

If you haven't already noticed, I happen to also be a KlausxGus shipper. Why? Blame the Stars Shine Brightly. And so what if Klaus isn't a Vexos member? You'll find that things are more fun with Klaus around.

I do appreciate reviews, so please leave your opinions! I do become more confident in my stories when you do


	2. Chapter 2

**This chapter is long overdue. My apologies! But my motivation for my stories is back, so I hope you enjoy this chapter and the future others!**

* * *

"I can't believe you actually managed to convince the school," muttered Keith, as he touched one of the plants in the room.

The room was gorgeous, which was actually shocking. Their school was a public school, so they didn't receive a lot of money. And why they would waste such a precious room on such stupid club was beyond him.

"Well, it does help when your father donates to the school every year," sang Hydron, placing down some boxes that contained who knows what. "All right, Vexos!" Hydron turned to them with a calculating expression. "Before this Host Club can open, we must train our asses off. We must advertise this club as well! Today, we'll be split into two groups." The rest of the group was slightly surprised. Had the "prince" ever taken a task seriously before?

Hydron placed a document on the table. Whatever was written there was quite lengthy.

"Mylene, Shadow, Volt, and Lync." They all met his gaze to indicate they were listening. "I have left specific instructions on how to improve your performance to better suit your type. The rest of us are going to advertise." Hydron lazily pointed at Keith, Gus, and Klaus with his thumb. They waved the four boys off and Shadow snickered.

"They're probably going to have an Orgy..." Lync seemed excited about it.

"An Orgy? What's that? I want to go too!" Mylene smacked both Shadow and Lync's heads.

"Shadow, don't use such lewd words in front of Lync, and Lync don't ever repeat anything Shadow says." The two boys nervously nodded, rubbing the back of their heads.

"Hydron left us a lot of instructions," noted Volt as he skimmed over the paper. Mylene grabbed the paper and inspected it.

" 'Shadow, Mylene, Volt, and Mylene. You four are already good at your different types, but there's aways room for improvement.' " Mylene scowled, "Since when am I good at being the lesbian type? This brat. 'Below are instructions on how to better fit into your respected type.' " Mylene squinted at the instructions for her type and threw the paper aside. Lync caught the paper just in time and glanced at his type.

"What is it?" Shadow asked Mylene, eagerly. She crossed her arms and turned away.

"That punk has assigned a lesbian to teach me in the art of lesbianism! That's not even a thing!" She rubbed her temples and sighed. "I'm not going."

"But you must!" snickered Lync. "If you don't you'll fail your role and Hydron's just going to go to daddy. I'm sure the girl will teach you lots of stuff~!" Mylene pushed his face away and growled.

"Fine," she snapped. "I'll go! But I don't why Hydron even left instructions for you. You're already a devil." Mylene took the paper again and reluctantly called the number. "Hydron told me to call you..."

In an instant, a girl with blonde hair came bursting into the room. She put her hands on her hips and scrutinized all of them. When her cat eyes found Mylene, she perked up and grabbed her by the arm.

"Hello! My name is Tiffany!" She placed a hand over her own chest and smiled."You're in good hands. I'll teach you everything there is to know!" And with that Tiffany pulled Mylene away, ignoring Mylene frantically asking how on Earth did she come here so fast.

"I suppose we should just follow the intructions." sighed Volt as he read the first thing he had to do.

* * *

"A host club?" exclaimed Mira. Hydron, Keith, Gus, and Klaus had been passing flyers at the quad when Mira and her friends passed along. "Are you serious?"

"Sadly, we are." Keith sighed, as he handed out a flyer to a passing blushing girl. "Hydron's idea." Mira stifled a laugh and took one of the flyers.

"Of course he -whoa..." Keith raised an eyebrow at his sister's sudden loss for words.

"What?" Mira, who's face had turn a bright red, slowly turned the flyer over and showed it him. Keith dropped the flyers he had been holding, causing them to fly all over the place. Some passing girls caught the flyers and squealed in delight.

The flyer had Hydron, Klaus, and Keith naked with only a seashell covering the manly side. In the middle was the quote, _"The Vexos Host Club can't wait to serve you"_

"H-How have you not seen it? You've been passing these out..." squeaked Mira. Keith quickly snatched the flyer from Mira's hand and ripped it apart. He walked away and headed towards Hydron.

"Oh no! He turned into Spectra!" screamed Julie, behind Mira. Hydron heard this and turned away just as Spectra tackled him to the ground.

"Why FUCK did you think this was okay?" Spectra shouted, holding him by his collar. Hydron laughed nervously as he looked to Klaus and Gus to help him.

"I-I just thought it would be good publicity..."

"You don't get to show off my amazing body without fucking asking me you damn brat!" snarled Spectra. Klaus and Gus quickly grabbed Spectra and pulled him off before he could lay a hand on Hydron. Spectra turned to Gus suddenly, grabbing his wrist.

"And YOU!" He hollered. "Why didn't you fucking tell me about this?" Poor Gus was panicking under the pressure.

"I-I, uh, I didn't, um-!"

"I'll punish you for keeping things from me right now!" Spectra dragged a whimpering Gus away from the quad and into the building to do who knows what. Klaus held out a hand to Hydron and pulled him up.

"Maybe you should have checked with Keith before doing that," Klaus smiled at him, "I don't necessarily mind though." Hydron patted down his clothes and picked up the flyers he had dropped when Spectra had attacked him.

"I didn't think Spectra would come out..." He noticed that Mira and her friends were still here. Quickly, he walked over to them, handing each one three flyers. "I expect you ladies to come. Would you mind handing some to your friends?" Mira flushed as she looked at the flyer once more. Her brother sure was toned...

"Gladly!" exclaimed Julie and Runo as they dragged Mira away. "Can't wait til next week!"

* * *

**Please tell me what you think! Reviews only help my confidence in my stories, and I appreciate every single one of them! Just so you know, I am now updating my stories in a rotation. I'll update Enemies and Not next, then The Charm, and finally back to this one. (Well, maybe I'll break the rules for chapter 3 this time...). In case you're ever wondering which story I am working on, you can always check out my profile. I have it listed there!**


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